"INVISIBLE HISTORY - ANIMALS ON TRIAL" History Podcast

Greetings, Invisible Historians! If
you were born in France in the
1500s, today’s subject would be a
well-known trial, spoken of over
glasses of wine and pints of ale in
taverns across the country. But
since we’re in the 21st Century,
this infamous case has become
“Invisible History.” I’m
White. When the plague... Yes, that
plague... hit Milan in the early
1500s, it forced a celebrated
jurist to salvage his floundering
career by practicing law in a small
French town. His first case? An
unusual break-in.
A gang ransacks the town’s grain
supply, endangering everybody’s
winter survival.
The villagers post signs at every
crossroad, demanding the grain-
thieving hooligans report to court
to hear their complaints.
But why are we still talking about
this case today? How did a simple
grain robbery create such an
infamous case? Well, the thieves in
question were rats.

SFX 6: Rats.

But the rats aren’t the
protagonists of this tale.
MUSIC 3: Something regal and French.

This is Barthélemy Chasseneuz’s
story, through and through.
Barthélemy studied law at
prestigious French universities,
then landed a high-class gig in
Milan, where he practiced law and
lived the high life.
SFX 7: French party sounds.

Enter... The PLAGUE.
SFX 8: Plague sounds.
MUSIC 4: Dark plague theme. Something with strings?

Death. Chaos. A mass evacuation is
ordered in Milan. Chasseneuz's
climb up the professional ladder is
halted. Out of work, Chasseneuz
finds himself in the provincial
town of Auton, France, where he was
forced to build a new law practice
from the ground up.
MUSIC 5: Working hard theme

When the rat case pops up,
Chasseneuz seizes upon the
opportunity to make a name for
himself by defending the accused.
This is his big chance, and he’s
not going to waste it. After an
early career full of success,
excess, and luxury, Chasseneuz
became obsessed with regaining his
status, even if it meant defending
rats. I know. I know. What lawyer
worth his salt would defend a dirty
rat? But animal trials were all the
rage in the 16th-century courts.

SFX 9: Animals in court
MUSIC 6: Farm music, with a regal twinge?

Animal trials? A silly idea, but
the courts had strict rules for
them. For example, the law
separated pets from pests, because
man was within his rights to exact
punishment on Fido or Mr.
Whiskers...
SFX 10: Cat/Dog sounds.

...but only God could control those
demonic vermin.
SFX 11: Evil rat sounds.

Here’s just one fun example from
1587: After weevils destroyed a
town’s vineyards, the court charged
the beasts for their crimes. Much
to the weevils’ great relief, the
court ruled they were within their
natural rights to destroy the
vineyards because they had to eat.
Who could argue with that? The town
found the weevils innocent and
awarded them their own vineyard.
However, not every animal trial
turned out in the animal’s favor.
SFX 12: Farm/pig sounds.

In 1497, a town put a pig on trial
for breaking into a house and
eating the face and neck of an
infant who subsequently died.
SFX 13: Breaking wood, baby crying.

They hung that lousy pig for its
crimes, but that didn’t bring the
baby back.
SFX 14: Chili’s baby back ribs jingle clip... “I want my baby
back...” Or is that too far?

SFX 15: General Court sounds.

The church court agreed to hear the
case of Auton vs. The Rats. The
stakes? Excommunication from the
church awaited the rodents if they
were found guilty. Putting animals
on trial looks pretty weird to our
modern eye, but the weirdest thing
for the jury in the rat trial was
how Chasseneuz chose to defend
them.
MUSIC 7: Action/Hero theme.

Chasseneuz took full advantage of
his big-city law knowledge and
defended his rodent clients with
the zeal of a mama bear.
SFX 16: Mama bear roar.

When the rats didn’t appear at
court, Chasseneuz found a legal
loophole worthy of Saul Goodman
himself.
SFX 17: Saul saying “Better Call Saul.”

Remember those notices they posted
to inform the rat defendants they
needed to show up to court?
SFX 18: Confused rat sounds.

Rats can’t read, right? Sounds like
a pretty solid argument, but is
that the defense Chasseneuz went
with? Nope. He wasn’t one to take
the easy way out. Instead, he
pointed out his rat clients were
too scattered across the province.
How could the rats possibly see the
notices with enough time to
prepare?
SFX 19: Judge GRUMBLING and GAVELING.

I imagine the bishop, in his somber
black robe and powdered wig, rolled
his eyes at Chasseneuz’s defense,
but few could fault his logic: The
law required proper notification,
and those notices weren’t enough.
So he won, right?
MUSIC 8: Winning theme.

Not so fast. The rats still needed
their day in court. The bishop
ordered a letter delivered to every
pulpit, demanding the rats get
their affairs in order and appear
at court.
MUSIC 9: Church music.

Every church, from the huge
Cathedral to intimate farmer
gatherings, announced the order for
the rats to appear in court before
they passed around the collection
plate. But, as we all know, rats
are little heathens. They didn’t
show.
SFX 20: Rat sounds.

No worries. The rat’s tireless
lawyer did show. Chasseneuz was
prepared for such an occurrence. It
was almost as if he knew his
clients wouldn’t get the message...
He mined his extensive legal
knowledge to unearth a case-winning
defense.
SFX 21: Video game one-up sound.

Turns out, if the journey to court
put the defendants at risk of
bodily harm, they were under no
legal obligation to appear.
SFX 22: Old time city scape, rats in danger. Play with it.

Chasseneuz’s defense painted a
picture of assassins in every
alley, just under every stoop,
waiting for his clients to skitter
by. The bishop, confused, asked
Chasseneuz to identify these
mysterious assassins. With a cheeky
grin, Chasseneuz simply said, “Why
the cats, of course.”
SFX 23: Cats.

As anyone who’s ever owned a cat
can attest, the townspeople
couldn’t control the domesticated
creatures, so the court didn’t have
a way to safely bring in the rats
to face their charges.
MUSIC 10: Happy theme.

The church didn’t have a
counterargument. This Chasseneuz
guy was good. The rats were never
excommunicated and continued to be
a blight on society for centuries
to come. The real winner, however,
was Chasseneuz. The rat case made
him a minor local celebrity, and he
landed a cushy gig as a jurist in a
high court where he would never
have to practice “rat law” again.
MUSIC 11: Sting.

Or would he? When charges of heresy
were filed against a group of
Protestants in the very court
Chasseneuz presided over, their
savvy lawyer used Auton vs. The
Rats as precedent by claiming they
couldn’t expect a safe journey to
court, because every Catholic along
the way wanted to murder them.
SFX 24: Angry murder Catholics.

Unable to deny his own
unimpeachable logic from all those
years ago, Chasseneuz ruled in
favor of the defendants.
SFX 25: Gavel.
MUSIC 12: Closing Theme (with lyrics?)

In the end, a talented 16th-century
lawyer, forced to make a late-in-
life career change, used his
brilliance to protect his clients
and resuscitate his career, proving
once and for all that the only
thing that stands between failure
and success is the right amount of
preparation. Barthélemy de
Chasseneuz, you are no longer
invisible; we see you.
SFX 26: Transition WHOOSH.

Come back next week for “Invisible
History” where we’ll explore a 17th-
century Italian painter whose
violent art led to violent acts.
Those with delicate sensibilities
might want to skip this one. I’m
White. Until next time, keep
an eye out for history.